The Girl That Didn't Make Sense

I had a bad habit when I was younger of writing off something new because I didn’t like it within the first ten seconds; books, movies, music, rim jobs. Between the ages of about 14-19, I almost never opened myself up to a new experience because I was confident that what I already liked was better.

I’ve grown quite a lot since then, and taken the “fuck it, why not?” mentality for pretty much everything. It’s helped me discover a ton of amazing media, people, foods, sex positions, etc. that I never would have even given a chance just a few years ago. The only problem is, the things I was exposed to during those five years that instantly went into the “suck” pile are still rotting there, filthy and unloved like my old collection of headless Sailor Moon dolls.

The most prominent example of this - and the one I’m currently working on fixing - is my general disdain toward “pop punk” music. I don’t know if that’s what it’s called, but I don’t know what else to call it. It’s the music my friends were all latching on to when the bands first came out years ago. Bands like Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, My Chemical Romance, etc. I listened a couple of times, but never really gave them a chance. I remember the vocals are what bothered me the most: they were thin and whiny and just brought to me the image of a middle-class white kid bitching about how shitty his suburban life is. I cringed and went back to Metallica, Audioslave, and Breaking Benjamin.

Now, between a couple of new real-life friends I’ve made (which is quite an achievement in itself, if you know me) and many of my followers on Tumblr, I’ve seen how incredibly popular this kind of music is. I’ll see someone reblog one of those “hipster” photos of pretty scenery with song lyrics on them, and many times when I think the lyrics are good, it’ll be from some PatD or MCR song. I’ve decided to give that kind of music another shot. If that many depressed teenagers with no world perspective like it, it can’t be that bad, right? If something does well commercially, that means it has to be awesome.

In comes Pandora, my lord and savior of previously-unappreciated music. I made a station called “Pop Punk” and seeded it with the four bands I mentioned a couple of paragraphs ago. So far it’s played them, the Killers (whom I already liked), Anberlin (not bad), Yellowcard (not a fan), and Relient K (haven’t decided yet).

I guess my point is, overall, this genre isn’t as bad as I’d thought. I don’t have a general “what have I been missing?!” feeling, but it’s decent enough. Some of the songs are even really good. My favorite so far is “Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off” by Panic! at the Disco. The higher-pitched whiny vocals still aren’t my favorite, but the music and the clever lyrics (especially from PatD) compensate for it.

Still don’t think I’m gonna start wearing skinny jeans anytime soon.

I don’t like romances, comedy or drama or otherwise.They’re exaggerated and ridiculous and they give people unrealistic ideals for perfect love and happiness. I only gave this one a shot because I really like Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence. 

Holy fuck, you guys. This movie.

Spoilers ahead.

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I had never heard of the movie until I saw someone post about it a few hours ago. I realized that the “Fat Amy” gifs I had seen were from that movie, and that made me interested because the few lines I’ve heard about were pretty damned funny. I read the writeup on IMDB and was like “Uh…all right. So it’s Glee The Movie?”

I feel like it’s wrong to claim to dislike something you’ve never given a chance. This is the reason I’ve read 50 Shades of Grey and all four of the Twilight novels. Based on this, I decided to give this movie a shot anyway.

Boy am I glad I did.

About 15 minutes in, I was even more afraid for how bad this might be. It felt like Glee meets American Pie. But the longer I watched, the more I started to like it. By the end, a steady river of feels was flowing from my heart and my eyes. My hatred for Aubrey, my love for Fat Amy and Lilly and Cynthia Rose, everything. It helps that Skylar Astin is pretty sexy.

All in all, it might not seem like a movie you’d enjoy, but give it a shot. It may surprise you.

My review of 50SoG chapter three tomorrow, I promise.

Ana remains the walking pile of hormones and personified awkward that she’s been since page one. She even states it herself, “a quivering mass of female hormones”. That’s literally all she is as a character. The only hint of depth is the couple of sentences mentioning her fondness for British literature and indie music. Cliche staples of the quirky nerd. “There we go”, James seems to say. “Personality established. Now for the sex!”

Surprisingly, there’s no sex yet. Not so surprisingly, Ana is naive about sex. Not just at the level of a virgin who only knows the things they teach in sex ed, but completely ignorant. Grey shows up at her work, a hardware store, and when he briefly grazes her fingers with his, she mentions “an odd feeling deep in her belly”. Honey, that’s not your belly.

Christian comes to her store (which is hours away). He’s supposedly in the area for a project he’s working on. He buys cable ties, rope, cover-alls, and masking tape. It’s subtly hinted (read: crammed down your throat) that he’s going to use these items for…less traditional purposes. Ana “flushes” about 15 times, and completely shuts down every time she looks at him.

Another character is introduced, too! Huzzah! His name is José, and he’s the “best friend that’s in love with the protagonist” character. His description:

“He’s tall, and in his jeans and t-shirt he’s all shoulders and muscles, tanned skin, dark hair, and burning eyes.” If that sounds oddly familiar, it’s because José is the surrogate Jacob. This was a Twilight fanfic, remember. Apparently his magical shirt and jeans change his hair and eyes. That’s the only description he’s given. He shows up randomly to announce that his photography is being featured in an art show. It’s not relevant at all. It’s just there to introduce him, then he disappears.

Now for some hilaribad exerpts from the book.

“No man has ever affected me the way Christian Grey has, and I cannot fathom why.” See? Even your protagonist doesn’t understand the ridiculous overreactions you’ve written for her.

“He’s arrogant, and for all his impeccable manners, he’s autocratic and cold. Well, on the surface.” Yes, because I’m sure if you got to know him, he’d reveal the soft, warm man he truly is. Or he’s just a controlling asshole.

“I’m driving more cautiously than I would on any other occasion. And I know it’s the memory of two penetrating gray eyes gazing at me, and a stern voice telling me to drive carefully.” I wonder if she takes all strangers’ hollow courtesies so seriously. If I told her to have a good day, would she have a panic attack if it started raining?

“Oh no - here we go, the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition.” She trusted you with a very important interview that he college career practically depends on, and now she’s asking how it went. What an annoying bitch!

“Oh, Ana, it can’t have been that bad.” At least Kate knows this is stupid.

“Katherine often teases that I’m missing the need-a-boyfriend gene.” You know, that thing every woman has that renders her utterly useless unless she’s desperately clinging to the arm of a big, strong man.

“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something.” I couldn’t make that up.

“With my heart almost strangling me - because it’s in my throat trying to escape from my mouth - I head down one of the aisles to the electrical section.” Seriously.

“…mortified that my psyche is having ideas above its station.” How dare you have impure feelings about an attractive man in the harmless privacy of your own mind. Better call mama so she can beat the devil out of you again.

“I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of the communist manifesto.” I guess “red” wasn’t descriptive enough, and we all know E L James is the queen of good description. It’s a good thing she clarified. I was thinking the color rising in her cheeks might have been green or purple.

That’s the whole chapter. Oh and Christian offers to do a photoshoot for Kate’s story if Ana can find a photographer. Because, you know, plot. The rest is fluff, consisting of Ana’s internalized sexual shame and the the author’s awkward and nonsensical colloquialisms: “rushed off our feet”, “she’s got her teeth in a story”, “he taught me the difference between a hawk and a hacksaw”, and a few others. Trust me, you don’t need context. It doesn’t help.

And I already love it. The writing is great, the voice acting is great, the controls are tight and intuitive. I can already tell Lili is gonna be one of my favorite characters, I think. And Dogen, gotta love Dogen.

Raz: “So this is it, the mental world.”
Elton: “It looks like a dentist’s office.”
Raz: “A mental dentist’s office.” 

Talk about unexpected! When a friend told me about this, I thought the concept was interesting - a girl who has recently killed herself sent out tapes to 13 different people explaining why they’re part of the reason she did it. But I wasn’t expecting to like it this much. I really thought the chick would be a whiny teenager with stupid reasons. She’s really likable, though, especially for a dead chick. These tapes are basically her suicide note, and she makes jokes and stuff.

I just got a it a couple of hours ago and I’m already halfway through. It’s hard to put down!